Kelly DeMattia - [email protected]
It has been almost five years since I've written anything over here. I was going across old emails and found this link. So weird. Strange how things change in a blink of an eye. How the time passes so quickly, yet seems as only yesterday I was 38, and maybe two days before then I was 24.
So 19 years ago was when I first started the little venture of Diaryland. Seems like a lifetime. So many things have happened.
Some good. Some not so good.
I moved to Ohio to be close to my best friend. That was great. Definitely a good time in my life. I lived their from 2009-2012.
During that time I got laid off from my job at the cell phone company. Rat bastards. Yeah, perhaps I'm still a little bitter. I worked their from 1998-2011. And then again from 2012-2015 where I got laid off again. But I'm jumping ahead.
I was living in Columbus when my father passed away in August 2011. It was the worst day of my life. Well at that time I thought it was one of the worst days of my life. Not being there struck such a heartbreak inside me, I thought I would never recover. It was by far the longest 6 hour drive from Ohio to Virginia.
Everyone says that things happen in life for a reason. It took me a long time to understand that, and even longer to agree with it. Sometimes I still don't agree with it.
In Spring of 2011, I was laid off from nTelos Wireless. For the first time. It wasn't anything I did, thank goodness, we had a corrupt manager who wanted to clean house and then launder money from the company. I can't believe that still happened. In a way, that was a blessing.
I decided that Spring I wanted to take some time off. I got unemployment so why not live off the Government? Everyone else was doing it and I actually put in the work and money so I took advantage of it. The next few months I spent with my family.
I went to Tennessee with my mom and aunts and spent a week in a cabin. It was nice and relaxing and a lot of fun.
I went with my mom and dad to Baltimore to see a Yankee/Orioles game. *Go Yankees!*
And in August we went to North Carolina to the beach for a week with my entire family.
It really was a good summer.
On August 26th, 2011, I was at my home in Columbus. It had been a bad day. It was one of those days that everything that could go wrong, did. That evening, I was finally relaxing, laughing, and talking to my roommate and another friend who had been building a downstairs bathroom for us. I was glad the day was almost over.
I had spoken to my mom earlier that day and her and dad were scheduled for a consultation at the hospital for knee surgery for my dad. I remember asking her that morning if I should just come home. She told me no, it wasn't like he was having surgery that day. They were just talking to the doctor.
Fast forward to 9pm that evening. I get a call from my cousin back home. All she said was "You need to get home now. Your dad is in the hospital." She wouldn't tell me anything else.
I panicked. I didn't know what was going on and mom wasn't answering her phone. I grabbed a handful of clothing, not really paying attention, stuffed it in a bag and left. It was dark outside but it wasn't like I didn't know the roads in front of me. I had made the trip back and forth so many times.
While I was driving my cousin called again letting me know that she wasn't sure what exactly was going on with my dad but they were all at the hospital. I was trying to remain calm. She said that mom was with him in the room.
I hung up thinking that things would be okay. I mean, I didn't have any reason not to. My dad was in his mid 60's and healthy. There shouldn't be any problems.
Then another cousin called. He said he was so sorry about what happened. I thought to myself, well I'm sorry my dad is in the hospital too but he's fine.
And then my brother called. He lived in Norfolk at the time, about 3 hours from our hometown. I asked him how dad was doing. It was silent.
"Dad is dead, Kelly."
I was stunned. I could not comprehend the words he was telling me. That wasn't true. It couldn't have been. And why had no one else called and told me. I couldn't see the road any longer. My eyes had grown blurry and it took a minute to realize it was because I was crying. I pulled off the side of the road and, well, I lost my shit. I know that sounds crass, but I was a blubbering mess. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.
My brother was still talking to me but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I told him I had to go. That I would be careful. That I would see him soon.
But I would never see my dad alive again. And that heartache is something I still feel to this day. I should have gone home earlier when I wanted to. Why didn't I? Why?
I hung up with my brother and got back on the road. To this day I don't know how I made it the rest of the way home. Maybe I had someone watching over me. Maybe it was dad. I'm not sure what to believe. But I made it home, well, to the hospital. When I got there, the only people there were my aunt, my mom, and both of my older brothers.
I was scared. I didn't want to see my dad like that. I just couldn't bear the thought of him no longer being in my life. I needed him. I needed his advice. I needed his love. I was his baby girl.
*I will write more later....This is still such a hard thing for me. I'm glad to be writing again, but perhaps next time I'll start out with something easier. Rainbows and puppies and such.
8:27 a.m. - 2022-02-28
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